Missing Shmogg

Thought I was OK, thought I was mostly 'over it', thought the earring (which
still hurts - more on that later) was working.

But last night for no particular reason i just broke down again. For a cat
that in his last weeks pretty much only slept and drank, and whose main
interactions with me was to annoy me by walking across the keyboard, I miss
him so much. I miss his face, I miss the smell of his fur, I miss the curled
up blob on the freezer, I miss his meows, I miss his bastard cat tricks. I
even miss him walking across the keyboard. But mostly I just miss knowing
he's here somewhere to welcome a petting. I miss *my* Shmogglebeast, my
pusspuss, my loyal and constant companion for 16 years who went through so
much with me. I *still* see him out of the corner of my eye curled up
somewhere - it usually just turns out to be a scrunched up t-shirt that has
been carelessly strewn rather than put in laundry basket, but for that split
second, he's still here and everythign is All Right and The Way Its Supposed
To Be again. And then the reality hits and I sigh, knowing that it isn't
true, and that I have to accept that Shmogg is no longer inthis earthly
plane.

I feel bad for not spending as much time as I used to with him since Cary
came into my life, I regret not being able to do more for him. Sometimes, I
feel like I ought to aplogise for Joel, Fluff & Cary coming into our lives,
each addition to my family leaving less time for him. My thoughts can run
through a gamut of 'what ifs' and I have to go and do something else to
derail that set of thoughts or I'll just go further down into that
spiralling black pit of depression. My head still knows that it was time for
him to go, that he wasn't happy or healthy and having him stick around just
fo rme would have been selfish and cruel, but my heart, oh my heart just
wants more time, more time.

Damn, for 6kg of furry piss & vinegar, he left a whomping ginormous hole in
my heart.

I miss you, buddy.

Yowie
--
If you're paddling upstream in a canoe and a wheel falls off, how many
pancakes can you fit in a doghouse? None, icecream doesn't have bones.

Yowie wrote:
> Thought I was OK, thought I was mostly 'over it', thought the earring
> (which still hurts - more on that later) was working.
>
> But last night for no particular reason i just broke down again. For
> a cat that in his last weeks pretty much only slept and drank, and
> whose main interactions with me was to annoy me by walking across the
> keyboard, I miss him so much. I miss his face, I miss the smell of
> his fur, I miss the curled up blob on the freezer, I miss his meows,
> I miss his bastard cat tricks. I even miss him walking across the
> keyboard. But mostly I just miss knowing he's here somewhere to
> welcome a petting. I miss *my* Shmogglebeast, my pusspuss, my loyal
> and constant companion for 16 years who went through so much with me.
> I *still* see him out of the corner of my eye curled up somewhere -
> it usually just turns out to be a scrunched up t-shirt that has been
> carelessly strewn rather than put in laundry basket, but for that
> split second, he's still here and everythign is All Right and The Way
> Its Supposed To Be again. And then the reality hits and I sigh,
> knowing that it isn't true, and that I have to accept that Shmogg is
> no longer inthis earthly plane.
>
> I feel bad for not spending as much time as I used to with him since
> Cary came into my life, I regret not being able to do more for him.
> Sometimes, I feel like I ought to aplogise for Joel, Fluff & Cary
> coming into our lives, each addition to my family leaving less time
> for him. My thoughts can run through a gamut of 'what ifs' and I have
> to go and do something else to derail that set of thoughts or I'll
> just go further down into that spiralling black pit of depression. My
> head still knows that it was time for him to go, that he wasn't happy
> or healthy and having him stick around just fo rme would have been
> selfish and cruel, but my heart, oh my heart just wants more time,
> more time.
>
> Damn, for 6kg of furry piss & vinegar, he left a whomping ginormous
> hole in my heart.
>
> I miss you, buddy.
>
> Yowie

Of course you do. My god, I hurt terribly for over a year when my little
dog Sampson died. I was 21 when he came into my life and approaching 40
when he died. That's a very long time. They grow with you. They
experience life and all the changes life involves right along with you.

It's too soon to think you won't feel hurt or miss Shmogg. I still feel
hurt about Sampson from time to time. It will never go away. But your
experience with Shmogg will continue to enrich you forever. Hold fast to
that and all you still have. Continued purrs for you and your family.

Jill