Christmas Related Cat Thoughts!

Christmas Related --- (20)



1.Christmas stockings and tree ornaments are not toys.



2.Christmas trees are not for climbing!!! (My cat knocked over my tree and
scattered EVERY ornament around the room. I think I'm still missing some!)



3.I am not a Christmas tree ornament. Just because I wasn't allowed to
"help" decorate it doesn't mean I should climb up and perch on a branch.



4.I am not helping my human hang the Christmas lights when I pull on the end
that's still on the floor. It especially doesn't help when I decide to chew
on the bulbs.



5.I must keep in mind that even though Christmas trees smell wonderful and
have lots of lovely bark, they are not appropriate for climbing as they are
not attached in any significant manner to the floor. Climbing Christmas
trees will lead to the inevitable tree toppling. Said toppling may result
in:



1. Spillage of tree water (corollary: tree water tastes yucky);



2. Breakage of heirloom ornaments;



3. Toppling of television sets;



4. Crashing of said tree through a nearby window (happily, not injuring the
kitty who is reporting this lesson)

6.I must not chew on electrical cords, especially when the appliances to
which they are attached are turned on; my human says I will kill us both.



7.I will not climb six feet up in the fake Christmas tree, causing all the
branches to bend down, just to get a better view of the living room.



8.I will not drink the water of the real Christmas tree.



9.I will not eat all of the tinsel off the Christmas tree; it makes me throw
up.



10.I will not eat the Christmas tree, vomit the needles all over the rug and
make my human spend $50 to "detox" me.



11.I will not eat tinsel from the Christmas tree--it will make my poop come
out like beads on a string.



12.I will not get into my human's bag full of Christmas wrapping paper and
ribbons and shred it until it makes a comfy bed.



13.I will not open all the presents before Christmas.



14.I will not play hide-and-go-seek with pieces of my human's jigsaw puzzle
or the pieces of the artificial Christmas tree.



15.I will not play with the ribbons when my human is wrapping (Christmas)
gifts. And I will not try to kill the curlicues of ribbon on the finished
packages.



16.I will not spray the computer printers, photocopier, kitchen garbage can,
or Christmas presents.



17.I will not tell my human to bleepity bleep bleep, walking away flicking
my tail when he says "no" because I think it is OK to kill Christmas
ornaments.



18.If guests arrive for Christmas it is not essential to disappear for the
next week.



19.My human can wrap Christmas presents without my help. If I decide to
sleep on the paper she intends to use, I shouldn't be angry if she moves me
so that she doesn't accidentally cut my tail off and wrap it up too. My
human will clean up the dishes after cooking -- she doesn't need my help.



20.The Christmas tree is NOT a jungle gym.