New Cat/Old Cat dilemma`

This is a bit of a twist on an old problem. My original cat, Casey, who came
to me as a stray, seemed to be pining for feline companionship, so I got a
new cat from the Humane Society. Knowing that Casey plays rough, I made sure
I got a large, amiable but playful male, who I hoped could hold his own with
Casey. The new cat, Kahlua, is about six years old and Casey is about a year.


The problem is not that Casey is hissing or apparently at all territorial. He
just loves his new companion, and Kahlua also seems eager to make friends.
The problem is that Casey seems to be missing that crucial piece of feline
behaviour that tells him when he has gone too far in the play department, and
he is terrifying poor Kahlua.

I am keeping them separate for the most part, but they both seem to want to
be together. However, whenever I allow this, I find poor Kahlua holed up
under the couch or whatever, afraid to come out. This morning, I was very
disheartened to find him back lying in his litter (a behaviour which, to me,
seems to indicate extreme stress). How Casey could be stressing him out so
thoroughly in such a short period of time puzzles me. I rarely leave them
unattended because if I am out of sight for even a few minutes, this is what
happens.

Everyone gives me conflicting advice--break them up when they seem to be
hurting one another, don't break them up or you will interfere with the
bonding process. However, I fear if I don't break them up, poor Kahlua will
be traumatized (he's such a sweetie). When Casey first came to live with me,
it took me six months to convince him not to bite ME when he is playing, so I
feel I cannot simply stand by and hope he will figure it out with Kahlua,
especially, since Kahlua is so gentle and sweet.

Your advice would be helpful. Thanks!

"Caseys-mom" <u32662@uwe> wrote in message news:6f83b2f08812d@uwe...
> This is a bit of a twist on an old problem. My original cat, Casey, who
> came
> to me as a stray, seemed to be pining for feline companionship, so I got a
> new cat from the Humane Society. Knowing that Casey plays rough, I made
> sure
> I got a large, amiable but playful male, who I hoped could hold his own
> with
> Casey. The new cat, Kahlua, is about six years old and Casey is about a
> year.
>
> The problem is not that Casey is hissing or apparently at all territorial.
> He
> just loves his new companion, and Kahlua also seems eager to make friends.
> The problem is that Casey seems to be missing that crucial piece of feline
> behaviour that tells him when he has gone too far in the play department,
> and
> he is terrifying poor Kahlua.
>
> I am keeping them separate for the most part, but they both seem to want
> to
> be together. However, whenever I allow this, I find poor Kahlua holed up
> under the couch or whatever, afraid to come out. This morning, I was very
> disheartened to find him back lying in his litter (a behaviour which, to
> me,
> seems to indicate extreme stress). How Casey could be stressing him out
> so
> thoroughly in such a short period of time puzzles me. I rarely leave them
> unattended because if I am out of sight for even a few minutes, this is
> what
> happens.
>
> Everyone gives me conflicting advice--break them up when they seem to be
> hurting one another, don't break them up or you will interfere with the
> bonding process. However, I fear if I don't break them up, poor Kahlua
> will
> be traumatized (he's such a sweetie). When Casey first came to live with
> me,
> it took me six months to convince him not to bite ME when he is playing,
> so I
> feel I cannot simply stand by and hope he will figure it out with Kahlua,
> especially, since Kahlua is so gentle and sweet.
>
> Your advice would be helpful. Thanks!

Cat breeders I know would advise you to let them work it out. It takes a
lot of energy to keep up the current facade and they'll ultimately have to
come to some kind of understanding. Our cats spend most of each day
sleeping in each other's arms but it initially took 4 weeks of posturing
before they realized they actually adore one another. Just be patient, but
still step in if one of them becomes truly distressed.